k let me get this straight
#1: feel everything in 8 seconds
#2: feel nothing for 8 months
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BPD
Me: what time did you get home?
Bf: when I texted you :)
Me: but you just used a different device!
Bf: I lost my phone :)
Me: how come you just used it now then?
Bf: I found it
Me: oh…but……
………(5 hours later)
Anonymous asked:
(1/2) I’ve been dissociating every 4-5 weeks (for the last 8 mon.) but I haven’t been able 2 work out why. I’ve done word/thought association, journaling, practically everything I can to try and figure out why I am dissociating but there’s nothing. I was seeing a therapist but she was doing the same thing my abuser (my mom) was, dismissing and gaslighting my issues. I live w/ my mom due 2 health & trauma issues (because of her abuse), could it just be living with my mom that’s causing this? -👻
bpdrotten answered:
(2/2) My “mom” is the only parent I’ve really known and she gaslights, manipulates, & has verbally & emotionally abused me 4 the past 17 yrs. I am currently working so I can save money 2 move out but she’s just been more abusive when I come home from work. I feel trapped since there’s no affordable therapy for EMDR in my area. It’s either save $ to move or spend it so I stay “sane”. Both are practically futile without the other. Any ideas on how to figure out why I am dissociating? -👻
I’d first remember to, if you can, get a new therapist. She sounds unhealthy for you, and unprofessional.
And imo it could very well be. Living with an abuser is v stressful, and stress can make you dissociate. I recommend trying to record what happened before you dissociated, and see if there’s any correlation. I would personally recommend moving out first to get safe, then start on new therapy! For now there are lots of online resources
I would suggest this is your BPD. If all things with people around you seem to be bad and the common part of it is you….look at you first. Not easy! But easier than going on forever believing everyone is out to hurt you. I know, cos I’ve done it for years. Beyond the abusers, it was all me later on. Most people, won’t to help. I’ve just trouble trusting them.
weight
I looked at the scales and was 4 pounds over two days ago and now I’m normal again but gaining. Arhhh!
Bpd google search: Is there a way to tell everyone “sorry, I was being irrational for the past 4 months, simply disregard everything I said”?
Not yet. I’ll try to think of something.
*someone doesn’t answer my text messages but answers someone else*
my brain: is this abandonment?
I feel bad today.
Yesterday my psychiatrist of 8 years decided to tell me
he was leaving and told me right at the end of our session!
No warning he was leaving at all.
This is real abandonment.
I feel like shit.